The Light in 2013: A Year in Review

As the cycle of the year nears its end and the prospect of new life, new opportunities, and new adventures lay ahead, I find myself – like so many others – reminiscing and reflecting on the past year. The triumphs, the failures, the happy milestones and the sad ones, and all the in-between moments that somehow resurface when we realize how quickly time has escaped us.

This year has been one for the record books – well, at least my proverbial record book. Much has transpired in my life, my family’s life, and my friends’ lives. And if I zoom out of my own little world, there is an even larger net of people and communities, countries and cultures that have been affected in various ways this year. From political upheavals to global mass tragedies to war and death and tyranny, much of the year (and all too often every year) we have experienced a lot of dark turmoil.  However, without darkness, there cannot be an appreciation for light. And amidst the tragedies and the uncertainty of a changing and adapting world, there came forth a brilliant light in the form of people and communities banding together, helping one another, and encouraging the light to shine through all those dark moments. Ultimately, it is through the reflection of the good and the bad, the happy and sad that we decide how we'll value these last 365 days and how we will cherish them as we embark on a new cycle of life.

For me personally, I choose to value this year as an amazing journey of achievements, renewal, and love.  And my cherished memories for 2013 are solidified in those three elements.

Achievements

My journey of education -- of knowledge and enlightenment of passion and dedication -- was realized this year as I completed my Master's degree in English. After many, many years of struggling to figure out my educational path, I finally managed to get on the right one and made my way through the thicket and bracken that had suffocated my passions. It was a scary endeavor and one that was filled with moments of trepidation and weariness, but in the end, all of that darkness made way for the light of achievement and the beautiful feeling of success. Of all that I've accomplished in previous years, this is the one honor that will be a beacon for all others -- a reminder that all is not lost as long as you have a small glimmer of hope still glowing inside.

Renewal

And with achievement also came renewal. In the form of renewed creativity, inspiration, and dedication. I found my voice again and my desire to share it with others. A much anticipated vacation to the land of art and beauty and awakening stimulated my senses and ushered into my life a baptism of thoughts and ideas. Paris and London were my antidote to my mundane existence. The milieu of these decadent places enriched my soul with an artistic ambition, allowing me to return to my desert home with buoyancy in my imagination and eagerness to express it. And that is exactly what I did. I began writing poetry again, discovering music again, examining and thinking about art again -- all essential activities of renewal. And in those exploratory acts, I not only found myself again, but a slightly better version of myself that would lead me to discovering the most vital of all.

Love

This ubiquitous feeling all humans possess isn't one that comes entirely natural to me. Love is an intangible, and it comes in many forms. I love my family. I love my friends. I love dogs. I love mustard with my French fries. I love rainy days. I love the novel Catcher in the Rye. The amount and scope of my love seems limitless, but when confronted by this emotion's complexities and its simplicities, I often find myself bewildered and dumbfounded. This bewilderment and dumbfoundedness came to me twice this year. First, when my grandma passed away after a month struggle following a fall and many years of progressive Alzheimer's. Her death was unexpected, although it wasn't entirely a surprise. Nevertheless, the loss of someone who had been in my life for its entirety was a shock to my system -- a realization that love isn't just verbal or symbolic, but that it is a force -- an energy -- deep inside that must be nurtured and allowed to grow. Sadly, it took the death of a loved one to be reminded that although I often see love as an ethereal emotion for me, it is always there, right under the surface, right there in the midst of my life just waiting to be discovered and recovered.

And that is what led me to my second moment of astonishment and bafflement by love. It came in the form of a kind, generous, and handsome man who magically one day appeared like the Ghost of Christmas past -- except it wasn't quite Christmas yet. His reappearance into my life was the 21st century equivalent to the Victorian epistolary novels -- emails back and forth, long and delightful, filled with stories and ideas, thoughts and philosophies, discussions and analyses: something that most men (or women for that matter) have no time or desire to compose. But he did. He made time (and continues to make time) to talk to me about art, poetry, life, and, well, everything. He came to me like a long awaited rain shower -- a memory that was comforting and nurturing -- and that returned to me the exact moment I was about to give up on the hope of it ever reaching me. And it is that nourishment -- that love from this man from my past, whose essence never really left my mind or heart -- that has made everything this year and for years to come that much more beautiful and brilliant.

And with achievements, renewal, and love fresh in the air, may the end of 2013 bring everyone a sense of tranquility and contentment, and the desire for a new year filled with unlimited possibilities and new found hope.

Here's wishing everyone peace, happiness & love for 2014!

The Party Dress

The holidays are a time to celebrate with family and friends, to enjoy each others company with decadent food, inspiring music, and all of the traditions and customs of the season. It's also a time to join in a little revelry as the year is put to bed and the prospects of a new year are dancing in front of us.

And, well, speaking of revelry and dancing, this time of year often ushers in many a party -- whether it be the office shindig, the friend's fabulous holiday soiree, your family's traditional gathering, or that fancy New Year's Eve fete. All of these festivities mean an opportunity to shop for some chic party dresses. While some of these get-togethers might not require such fancy attire, it certainly doesn't hurt to look as wonderful as you feel or, at least, to wear a pretty dress to make you feel wonderful.

So, here are some spectacular party dresses that would most definitely make me feel wonderful and sexy and ready to ring in the new year!

And whether or not you attend any fancy parties this holiday season, may your final weeks of the year bring you happiness in whatever you wear and in whatever way you celebrate.

Cheers!

 Diane von Furstenberg, Achava Embellished Dress, $698 (Wow! I suppose if you a party where you need to dress to impress); ModCloth, Premier and Dear Dress, $157.99; Anthropologie, Effervescence Dress, $188; Zara, Lace Dress, $99.99.

'Tis the Season for Gifting

So, here we are, about two and a half weeks away from Christmas and I just started my gift shopping. I would never call myself a procrastinator, but somehow this holiday season sneaked up on me without me really realizing it. I suppose it might have something to do with my lack of motivation to brave the roads, the malls, the mass of people also scrambling to get their gift shopping completed. The holiday cheer and merry tidings are just now starting to develop - the Christmas music, decorations and much cooler temps have helped - but I'm feeling a little stuck on all those holiday tasks. 

But fear not, I tell myself, there's a magical place where you can go at your leisure -- in PJs with hot chocolate in hand and messy hair and no makeup. And that place is called the Internet. Yes! This holiday season Internet shopping will be my saving grace when it comes to saving my grace with the masses. Plus, it affords me the opportunity to find some unique gifts that I wouldn't otherwise find in your standard box-store-mall-shop-department-retailer. 

So, this holiday season I'll be taking my gift-shopping cues from the digital world, and hopefully finding most of what I can on online stores that focus on the unique, the quirky, and the affordable. And with any luck, I'll be able to make my shopping experience a little more entertaining rather than annoying, and discover some hidden gems that family and friends will be happy with come Christmas Day. 

Here's a sampling of some online shops and sites that might possibly win you the title of "coolest gift giver" and make you someone's "favorite." 

Etsy: The number one place on the web to find all-things handmade and vintage -- everything from soaps to chocolates to custom built furniture to haute couture clothing.

I have several go-to stores on here that I often buy gifts from for the holidays. InkSpot Workshop have the cutest calendars -- I've purchased their desktop version for the last three years -- or has it been four?

I also like Oh Dier -- a wood-craftsman from St. Paul, MN -- who makes clever cutouts of various words & sayings. I purchased this Think cutout last spring.

There's also a jewelry shop called PianoBenchDesigns, which creates unique wire jewelry. I believe I bought my first Etsy store purchase from them -- a "Love" necklace that I like to wear when I want to exude a little love to the world. 

There are so many other great shops on Etsy that you could probably spend all day perusing the site -- a much better place to spend than in traffic or in a crowded mall.

Besides Etsy, there are some other cool online shops that are worth checking out for their unique offerings. For the quirky fashionista in the family, there is ModCloth with its retro-inspired looks and rotating collection of vintage finds. 

Or, for that too-cool-for-J.Crew lad or laddie who wants a little European flair, there is Scotch & Soda and Zara.

Then there are all sorts of other online stores that provide a mix of goodies and gifts that could please any and all types of recipients. One King's Lane is a great place to find great limited-time & limited-edition deals and treasures for those design-loving friends and family members. 

There is also UnCommonGoods, a shop that carries an assortment of creative and novelty gifts for those uncommon-types. 

And, MollaSpace -- another creative, design-inspired online retailer that offers distinctive gifts for the hip and discerning.

So, these are just a few of the many shops hanging out in the digital world that might be worth checking out when you'd rather keep to your cozy computer chair than deal with the crazy holiday shoppers. And when all is said and one, you might just manage to get all your Christmas shopping done with a few clicks of the mouse and a nice screen-glow tan. 

Thanks & Gratitude

Looking back on 2013, I am astounded by all the things I am eternally thankful for. And being that Thanksgiving is tomorrow, I thought I would spend some time expressing my gratitude for all the little to big things that have occurred over the last 11 months. It’s amazing, really, how delightful this particular year has been. From finishing my Master’s degree in English (a goal that I have been pursuing for quite some time now) to visiting the magical and inspiring Paris and London to just recently reconnecting with a friend (+) who has awakened my mind, heart, and spirit, I’ve been blessed with quite the robust and lively year.

But even if those things hadn’t happened this year, there are still those minor everyday moments that I’m grateful for – an unexpected compliment from a co-worker, a stranger’s smile, a silly conversation with a friend, or a fun movie-dinner-night with my sister. It’s those things – combined – that have made the year full of meaning and grace.

And even when life unexpectedly brought me sadness, I tried my hardest to look for a glimmer of hope and gratitude that could buoy my soul when it needed it most. Losing my grandmother this summer was difficult, but what kept me afloat and resilient was knowing that we were all there with her near the end, kissing her, telling her how much we loved her, and keeping her memory alive. And now, with her soul firmly in the ether of heaven, I am grateful her spirit lives on in my dreams and in my heart.

So, here we are – Thanksgiving 2013. And, I am grateful – grateful for the insignificant moments, the milestone moments, the melancholy moments, and most importantly the hopeful moments that remind me how thankful I am to be surrounded by amazing family and friends. Thank you, thank you, thank you! 

And, just for some giggles, here are a few poignant, silly and outright random excerpts from my personal gratitude journal.

Gratitude for 1.7.13: I am grateful for love. Despite feeling lost and confused in this emotion, I readily allow it to enter my mind and soul as a hope and continually have faith that I will find it, whether through someone or more importantly in me.

Gratitude for 2.22.13 & 2.23.13: I am grateful for patience and keeping my mouth shut. 

Gratitude for 3.26.13: I am grateful I was raised to stand up for what I believe in and not be afraid to express it. 

Gratitude for 5.14.13 & 5.15.13: I am grateful that I enjoy cooking and, well…eating.

Gratitude for 7.4.13: I am grateful for the simple joy of saying “I love you” and hearing someone say it back. 

Gratitude for 10.18.13: I am grateful I didn’t get a ticket for talking back to a traffic cop today. 

Gratitude for 11.5.13: I am grateful for unexpected things in life.

Sweater Weather

Colder temperatures have finally arrived in Phoenix. After a rainy and cold weekend, it looks like the desert summer has finally bid the city adieu and fall into winter has settled comfortably into its cacti and creosote milieu. And with these cooler-than-normal mornings and pleasant afternoons, I now have the chance to change up my wardrobe a bit and add some real-winter wardrobe staples to my fashion repertoire.

The sweater -- the fashion equivalent to a warm cup of tea. They are a source of comfort, warmth, and sometimes even whimsy. They can be bold or nerdy, sexy or silly, and most importantly, they can be stylish and affordable. Here's just a small sample of the array of sweaters that run the gambit of styles and purposes.

 Clockwise: Gold Leaf Pullover, Anthropologie, $98; Leather Sleeve Pullover, Anthropologie, $328 (yikes! a bit pricey.); Tulip Riding Coat, Anthropologie, $168; Cozy Crafter Sweater, Tulle Clothing, ModCloth, $62.99.

Musicians, Artists, Inspirations & Delights

It has been an amazing week full of exciting news, inspiring moments, and renewed interests. In fact, the last five weeks after returning from my Paris/London trip has been a joyride of creative, lyrical and intellectual experiences that have left me feeling hopeful and impassioned about the things that are important to me.

I've been blessed to reconnect with friends from long ago and not so long ago, and learn about their lives, their interests, their dreams, as well as hear about their new adventures and goals. These last few weeks alone have been filled with so much newness and replenishment. From being introduced to a bevy of new-to-me musicians, artists and their work to being inspired to make a difference in the lives of young girls and to being informed that I'm going to be an auntie in about four months, it has been a whirlwind of happiness.

So, to commemorate and carry on the inspiration that all of these wonderful moments have provide me these last few fall weeks, here is a peek at some of what has stimulated, roused and delighted me.

Musicians

Artists

ROMANIA. 1975. In a train.

ITALY. 1951. Abruzze. Village of Aquila

SPAIN. 1933. Valencia

. (© Henri Cartier-Bresson/Magnum Photos)

Inspiration

Excerpt from Robert Frost's "Birches"

The Girl Scouts Arizona Cactus Pine Council

Delights

Hello I'm New Here Baby Gift Set, Egg-A-Go-Go

Olive & Sinclair Chocolates

A Phoenix Fall Wardrobe

It's officially fall in Phoenix. For most of the country, fall has been around for awhile with winter lightly knocking on the door. But for desert-dwellers like me, the season has fully arrived with brisk nights and crisp mornings and that shift in light that makes everything a little less harsh and a little more soft.

And now that the summer sun is no longer suffocating my sensibilities, it's time to start thinking about my fall wardrobe. I had a hint of its possibilities while in Paris and London, but with my days back in the Southwest mostly spent in work-wear, I fear I'm lacking sufficient options. So. I'm setting out on a journey to find some tops and dresses for a Phoenix Fall -- which thankfully also encompasses winter and early spring. And this is what I've found so far. But stay tuned. My search has just begun.

 1. Ann Taylor, Moonlight Lace Top, $89; 2. ModCloth, Amaryllis Adventure Top, $37.99; 3. Anthropologie, Texture Twist Pullover, $49.95; 4. The Limited, Faux Leather Trim Ponte Sheath Dress, $98; 5. Anthropologie, Chevron Pencil Dress, $79.95; 6. Mango, Belt Color Block Dress, $89.99.

Post-Vacation Daydreaming

For the last few weeks I've been trying to get back into the swing of things after my trip to Paris and London. It hasn't been easy. My mind keeps wandering back to the cafes, the pains au chocolat, the Eiffel Tower spotting, the polite British accents, and, yes, even the hustle and bustle of the cites. I don't know if it's because I didn't spend enough time with Lisa in cities that require more than three days to explore, but I feel unfinished -- like there was more to do, more to see, and more things to talk about.

Since I can't seem to shake this ripped page feeling of ambivalence, I've decided to stop trying and go full tilt into daydreaming. And this blog is a good way for me to stay addicted to my Parisian affliction -- perhaps an unfortunate gateway drug into a dizzying attempt to re-energize my life. Nevertheless, it gets me thinking -- remembering -- the surface moments of visiting stores new to me, browsing through fashions I never get to see in the desert climate of Arizona, and fashion-watching on the streets of the most stylish cities of the world.

One of my favorite moments is when I received a reassuring lesson in French lingerie -- you don't have to be a double d to find alluring underthings. And, as my mom said to me after I excitedly told her about my discovery, "It seems like the women over there aren't as fake as they are in the U.S." I'm not sure if that is entirely the case, but it does seem they cater to the smaller-sized ladies (which can actually be a curse for those who don't naturally fall into that category).

Anyway, I was pleased when Lisa ushered me into a lingerie shop called Princess Tam Tam, and I was able to pick up a couple of perfectly-fitting bras. Unfortunately for me the store presently only exists in Europe...and...they don't ship to the U.S. Fortunate for me, though, is that my best friend can ship them to me. Or, better yet, I can just use my lingerie needs as an excuse to make another trip back.

And in London, while seeing a variety of stores that don't exist yet in Phoenix but I've frequented online (Zara, Mango, and TopShop), Lisa, once again, introduced me to a new-to-me store called COS. At the time, I didn't know much about the label except that the clothes looked rather luxurious but also fairly affordable. Their fall/winter collection was full of voluminous wools and muted hues -- perfect for London's melancholy tinted days. Later on, I found out the label is an off-shoot brand of H&M, and, again, only available in Europe (and apparently also in Asia and the Middle East). I guess this provides me with another excuse to get my lingeried butt back to the Old World. Until then, my wanderings on their online store will have to suffice...

Please Mind the Gap, Love

If my stay in Paris wasn’t enough to fill my heart with joy, my memorable trip to London made it burst. This was my first time to the city known as “The Smoke,” and although Lisa had visited a couple times before with her daughters, this would be the first time she was child-free. We were both determined to have a fun girls getaway, and I think we succeeded.

After our short train ride through the hills and valleys of France and England, and through a somewhat ear-popping excursion under the English Channel, we found ourselves in London’s King’s Cross/St. Pancras station. The packed stations was a little daunting at first, but after figuring out what kind of Tube pass to get, we were on our way to the hotel.  Lisa, being the metro-guru that she is, knew exactly which line to take. And luckily for us, the Piccadilly Line to our Gloucester stop was super easy. And, what was even better was that our hotel was a hop, skip, and jump from the Tube station. The only difficult moment we had was lugging our luggage up two flights of stairs. (It was a good work out nonetheless.)

Once we got settled into our hotel room, we started getting ready for our afternoon tea reservations at The Wolseley – apparently a well-known (and dare I say swanky) spot for a traditional English tea experience. Lisa and I had the basic tea service – our choice of tea (I chose the The Wolseley Afternoon Blend) and two scones with homemade jam and clotted cream (also known in America as butter). It was delightful and astonishingly very filling – a perfect cap-off a first afternoon in the city.

With a little shopping after tea, purchasing gifts (including tea and jam) and enjoying the scenery, we heading back to the hotel for a little rest. That evening we stayed near the hotel, traveling only a block or so for dinner at an Italian restaurant. The weather was a little wet and chilly that first night, but being from Phoenix, I enjoyed it tremendously.

The next day was heralded “Tourist Day.” Lisa and I decided to hop on a bus tour of the city. It was the easiest way to see all the sights for a somewhat affordable price. We took copious amounts of pictures of all the landmarks and hopped off near the Thames River across from Parliament, Big Ben, and Westminster Abbey. What amazing architectural and historical sights we saw! I was in awestruck by the intricate work of each structure and the significance they have not only in England’s history but also in America’s.

We also saw many other unique and ornately designed buildings throughout the City of London and surrounding boroughs. We drove over the London Bridge, saw the London Tower and The London Eye (which I didn’t make it to this time around), snapped pictures of numerous pubs, and took note of the shopping areas we wanted to visit the following day.

After a full day of sightseeing, we got ourselves ready for a fancy evening at Gordon Ramsey’s Maze Grill on Grosvenor Square. After a humorous and lively taxi ride to the restaurant – one filled with talk about polka-dot knickers and the happenstance of “finding” a hotel – we found ourselves in a very exclusive-feeling establishment. Those Londoners really know how to make a lady feel special. From the courteous hostess to the nice bartender, and to a wonderful (albeit expensive) meal, it was another lovely London experience. (Sorry I have no pictures of it – I didn’t want to come across as too obnoxiously touristy.)

Lisa’s  and my final full day in London was spent shopping. We made our way to Notting Hill’s Portobello Street Market. And what a market it was! Never before have I seen so many people all in one place and speaking so many different languages. It was like being at the United Nations of Flea Markets.

There were so many goodies and goods I was in shopping and eating heaven. Baked goods galore, fresh fruits and vegetables, and all sorts of delicious smells wafted through the streets. There were also an array of stalls devoted to antiques, souvenirs, clothing items and accessories. I was drawn to some of the antiques – particularly an old bookstall that had 19^th century books ranging from an old Bible to tiny pocket-sized books of Shakespeare’s plays. A book that caught my eye was a 1880s edition of a Keats poetry book. I grabbed it up and had no qualms paying full price.

I also found an antique stall that carried old letterpress letters, which I had been looking for in Phoenix for quite some time. I found the letters I wanted – my initials T-J-K – and a stand to house them on. I even haggled the price down a little bit.

After getting our fill of the market scene, we made our way to Oxford and Regent Streets for real store shopping. It was crowded crazyville and I was a little overwhelmed. (I think Lisa can attest to that.) But Lisa found some great deals and I found several things I put on my mental list of things-to-get-when-I-come-back.

We then somehow found ourselves back on the bus tour from the previous day (the tickets were good for two days). We gave our feet some time to recuperate and my introverted mind a moment or two to decompress. After my crowd-induced mini-meltdown settled, Lisa and I made our final shopping stop at Harrods – the mecca of department stores. Lisa described it as the Caesar’s Palace of shopping centers. She was right. From its ornate interior to its luxurious designer offerings, it was quite a remarkable structure to behold.

Before we left our beloved London, we were given one last gift from this hospitable and gracious city. A very strapping young man offered to help carry Lisa’s and my luggage down to the Tube platform. We both watched in swooning gratitude, as he lifted our luggage in each hand – tattooed muscles bulging – and carried them down the stairs for us. With much appreciation and a warm heart for this city that seems to keep on giving, we thanked that kind Londoner and made our way back to Paris.

Both cities have found a special place in my heart – Paris for its effortless beauty, scrumptious food, and amorous spirit; and London for its convivial atmosphere, sardonic humor, and awesome history. Although my stay was filled with a sufficient amount of memorable experience, I know that these two places have burrowed their way into my soul and that I’ll never be quite complete without visiting them again and again.

Until then, love, cheers!

Mon Merveilleux Voyage à Paris

It's been a week since I left the City of Lights, and I am still daydreaming about my adventures.  It had been seven years since my last visit and 10 years since my first. Maybe because this time around I'm older, more experienced, and a little more relaxed (yes, relaxed -- I can be relaxed, sometimes), I had a much more fulfilling experience and now a persistent tugging at my heart to return sooner rather than later.

For my third visit to Paris, I stayed close to the heart of the city -- Arrondissement 7 to be exact -- right near the Eiffel Tower. In fact, just a block away, this was my view.

After my previous touristy trips, this time I stayed away from the museum and famous landmarks. And even though I was just blocks away from that iconic tower, I resisted the urge to travel up its industrial legs. Instead, I merely enjoyed the scenery of this massive metal structure, taking pictures of it each time I saw it peeping into the skyline.

Most of my visit was spent enjoying each day with my best friend Lisa, walking the streets of Paris and witnessing its heart and soul. And although it's not perfect by any means -- the people can be cold, it can be crowded and smelly, and it's very expensive -- it has a beauty and a light that can only be understood by being present in it. That is what I hoped to discover during my trip, and that is exactly what I found.

During my four days in Paris, I walked through an eerie, magical cemetery in Montparnasse, paying my respects to some of the greatest artists and thinkers of the 20th century. I enjoyed an extended lunch in the Luxembourg Gardens, daily mid-afternoon cafe stops, a stroll (or a hike, depending on who you ask) along the Seine, and a shopping excursion through the narrow and ancient streets of Saint-Germain-des-Pres.

I also saw two blind people run into each other (it was like seeing a double rainbow!), nuns shopping in Le Bon Marche (an upscale department store), and a herd of dogs playing in the Seine. I experienced the kindness of a waiter, who patted me on the back and said "it's gonna be okay" when I messed up my order in French, and the seediness of gypsies trying to scam Lisa and me into buying a gold ring. And then, there was the threat of swarming bees and kamikaze pigeons trying to partake of my  lovely French lunch.

Each day brought something new, and each moment became a memory that I will cherish forever.

And although I tried to bypass the tourist traps of the city, I did decide to take a boat ride along the Seine. Lisa and I enjoyed the weather, the scenery, and the occasional goofy pose.

One of the other touristy moments of the trip -- but probably the best -- was when I bought a "love padlock" to lock onto the Pont de Arts bridge. It was for my grandmother who had passed away in July. In black ink, I wrote the name of my grandmother, Nellie King, encircled it in a heart and locked it on the bridge to commemorate my love for her. I kissed it and said to myself, "you made it to Paris, Grandma!"

It was a cathartic and heartwarming moment for me. Now and forever (or at least until the Parisians get sick of these locks and cut them off -- which I hope doesn't happen for a very long time), I will be able to return to Paris, not only to enjoy its beauty and its heart, but to visit my grandma on a bridge surrounded by the love and light of a city that continually fulfills me in so many ways.

Until the next time... au revoir, my lovely Paris!

P.S.: Stay tuned for my next post on my adventures in "The Smoke," aka London.